I Said Never Again
by Clarisse Renaldi
Summary: A passionate kiss is a good beginning, or it ruins everything?
1. Chapter 1

**I Said Never Again**

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, just the storyline.

**Author's Note:** Hi Everybody! Big hug to Laura, 'cos checked this for me! Thanks very much! This is a story for my friend Mynix. I promised her this story in December. Oops. Sorry about the delay… Anyway here you are. I hope you (all) will like it. Csak neked írom a dalt… 

Two months had passed since that dance in San Francisco. The queen was again in Genovia, finally at home...

It was late afternoon, and Clarisse was sitting in the kitchen with a big bowl of strawberries, when her Head of Security stepped in…

"Oh Your Majesty." smiled Joseph. "What a lovely surprise. I didn't know you were here."

"I'm just sitting and picking some fruit." said Clarisse with a smile.

"That reminds me. I would like to eat something too. Do you know where the chef is?"

"Bad news." answered Clarisse. "There's no dinner tonight."

"Why?" asked Joseph shocked.

"'Cos Sebastian is striking again."

"Striking? I hate Sebastian. He is so sensitive. What happened this time?"

"Olivia." answered Clarisse.

"Oh no. What did she say again?" asked Joseph.

"She said the chicken was dry and stringy."

"She never learns." sighed Joseph.

"Yes. Third time this month." said Clarisse. "What are you going to do now?"

"I think I'll pop into town and looking for a fine restaurant with a not striking chef." laughed Joseph.

"That's a good idea." laughed Clarisse too.

"Do you want to join me?" asked Joseph.

"No thanks, Joseph. I'm not really hungry now, this strawberry is enough." smiled Clarisse.

"Well." started Joseph and sat down in front of Clarisse. "I don't want to go alone. So I think I'll stay, but I don't know what will I do."

"What would you like to eat?" asked Clarisse quickly.

"Oh anything, an omelet or… anything." sighed Joseph.

"Right. One omelet is ordered." smiled Clarisse and got up.

"Your Majesty, Clarisse. Do you want to cook?" asked Joseph surprised.

"Of course. You're hungry, I can cook, that's simple." smiled Clarisse and started to prepare the ingredients.

"I thought Queens didn't cook."

"Believe me, I have some hidden talents." smiled Clarisse.

"But… But I can't ask such a thing…" started Joseph.

"Right. If you don't want it." teased him Clarisse and started to move, but Joseph grabbed her hand.

"Please don't go, I'm starving." begged Joseph.

"Right." sighed Clarisse with a smile. "I have to feed you. Otherwise my security will be doubtful."

"Yes, you're totally right." giggled Joseph. "Thank you."

The cooking was fun. He finally could be alone with his queen, just the two of them. He looked at her amazed as she cooked. She was so smart and sweet.

The omelet was perfect. He's never eaten a better one (of course).

And Clarisse… She just watched Joseph while he was eating. It was so natural and familiar at the same time. Sitting in the kitchen, eating, chatting… That was a very good feeling for both of them…

Time passed quickly as usual in good company. After dinner, they took the dirty plates into the washbasin, but as he put down his plate, he accidentally touched her hand…

And the world suddenly stopped…

She turned to look at him slowly, and Joseph… he gently took her hand in his, and drew Clarisse closer… dangerously close.

They could hear each other's heartbeat in the silence that filled the kitchen completely. He simply couldn't look away… just stared into her beautiful blue eyes. They were like a magnet for him.

Joseph slowly leaned closer, and finally their lips met…

The kiss was shy and unsure at the beginning, 'cos Joseph didn't want to scare her, but a few moments later he put his arms around her back and deepened the kiss.

"I love you." whispered Joseph between two kisses.

"I love you too." answered Clarisse softly, but she was in another world. She just wanted more and more from Joseph's kisses. It was so sweet and she waited for so long. They missed their chance in San Francisco, but now time had come. They kissed each other with passion and desire.

So the kiss was perfect, she enjoyed it too, but suddenly… She pulled away.

"No Joseph." said Clarisse breathlessly and stepped back. "We can't do this."

"But why? I love you and you love me. What's the matter?" asked Joseph surprised.

"It must not happen again." She was completely flustered. "Never, Joseph. Never."

"But why?" started Joseph and moved closer. He wanted to kiss her again.

"I said never." cried Clarisse and ran out…

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Author's Note: **Hi Everybody! Thanks to my dear Laura, to beta this for me quickly. :-)I'm not trying to kill you, I swear:-) Thanks for all the lovely reviews to Zsulie, mayag12987, Captain Weirdo, Kristi-Julie, Kelly, bluegirl-783, chickenwriter and to The Velvet Top Hat. I love you all.:-)

"I said never." Her last sentence echoed in Joseph's head. He was still standing there, at a loss. The kitchen was silent and so empty without her…

"What was the matter?" thought Joseph. "She kissed me back and said she loved me… And now? She runs away."

He was at a loss. He didn't understand Clarisse's reactions… "Maybe, yes. Maybe she just scared, or got mixed up." thought Joseph, but it really didn't matter at the moment, 'cos he was too happy. "She loves me." whispered Joseph with a smile. "Yes, she loves me." And that was the point…

So he decided to give her a little time to calm down, sleep on it. Then a little later he would try to speak with her…

OOOOOOOOO

The next morning the Queen was in her office, working hard, when Joseph stepped in…

"Hello Clarisse." said Joseph with a smile as he walked to her desk.

"Oh Joseph." answered Clarisse, she looked busy and flustered at the same time.

"I would like to speak with you." started Joseph and waited her reaction.

"About what?"

"About what happened yesterday in the kitchen."

"Oh yes." sighed Clarisse. "I'm really sorry Joseph. I don't know what happened with me…"

"Never mind." smiled Joseph. He thought it's a good beginning, but…

"…That was a mistake." finished Clarisse her sentence.

"What?!" asked Joseph shocked.

"I was not myself, but that will never happen again, I promise."

"Wait. Wait. Wait." answered Joseph quickly and held up his hand. "What's up with you? You kissed me back and said you loved me."

"I've never said that." said Clarisse surprised.

"But you said it. I heard you with my own ears."

"Maybe you're right." answered Clarisse, she was still flustered. "Yes, I can remember now… I said 'I love you' indeed…"

"There you are!"

"But I was talking to Rupert."

"What?! To Rupert?" Joseph couldn't believe his ears. "You can't be serious!"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I got mixed up, and when you looked into my eyes… I thought Rupert was standing before me. So I was kissing with Rupert."

"And you said you loved him."

"Exactly." nodded Clarisse.

"Oh come now…" started Joseph he could barely breathe, he was so nervous."You're trying to fool me… that after what happened between us in San Francisco, and after the little touches, smiles and everything through the years, you said 'I love you' to Rupert, who was your best friend and what was the word you used? Yes, you were 'FOND' each other. You tried to fall in love with him in your whole life, and after he died one and half years and you are kissing with me, you say to him 'I love you.' Save it for someone else."

"But that's the truth." said Clarisse firmly.

"No Clarisse. You do love me, don't deny it."

"I don't love you. And now I have to go." She started to leave but Joseph grabbed her hand.

"Stop."

"Let me go." cried Clarisse.

"Don't say it hurts."

"I didn't say it hurt, just let me go."

"No. 'Till you don't say the truth."

"I DON'T LOVE YOU." Clarisse was shouting now.

"Look into my eyes, right into my eyes, and say it again." said Joseph.

"I have no time for this." cried Clarisse. "Just let me go."

And Joseph let go of her hand… She was nervous, flustered and… just simply rushed away…

OOOOOOOOO

Two hours had passed, when she arrived back to her office…

As she opened the door and stepped in, she was frozen…

"Joseph. What are you doing here?" asked Clarisse shocked.

"You said you had no time for this, so I decided to wait here."

"I can't believe it." said Clarisse and put down the documents to her desk. "What do you want from me?"

"Just a straight answer. I want to understand your feelings. I know you love me, and I understand your responsibilities too. You are a queen, so I don't want to mix up everything for you. We can stay under the shadows, 'till Mia will be queen. I don't ask too much. I don't ask you to make love to me in secret, hiding from everybody… I just wanna love you a little, a few kiss when we are alone, a few sweet moments with you, that's all I ask. I just want to love you… Clarisse?"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" shouted Clarisse. "Is it so hard to understand?"

"I don't believe you." answered Joseph in a calm voice.

"Really? Then I have to inform you that I'm going to have a DATE tonight." said Clarisse and turned to leave.

"A DATE?!"

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and now please review!Thanks!******

To be continued…..


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Author's Note: **Hi Everybody! Big hug to Laura to be my fantastic beta! And thanks for all the enchanting reviews to Tommys my 21, prettycrazy, Captain Weirdo, chickenwriter, Kristi-Julie and to bluegirl783.

"A DATE?!" asked Joseph shocked, but Clarisse didn't answer. She just left the room.

Joseph was speechless… "A date?" thought Joseph. "Is she really going to do it? She cannot be serious. Maybe it's just a joke, or she just wanted to hurt me. But if it's true…" He dialed a number quickly. "Charlotte. I need you immediately… Yes, I'm in her office. Please hurry. " said Joseph desperately and hung up the phone.

Two minutes later Charlotte opened the door, she was running.

"What's the matter Joe? Your voice was so desperate…"

"Is it true that Clarisse going on a date?"asked Joseph quickly.

"Well… Yes, it's true." answered Charlotte.

"I can't believe it!" cried Joseph. He was lost and nervous at the same time. "Who is the man? And when did they meet? And how…" started Joseph.

"Calm down, Joe. Please." Charlotte stroked his arm. "I'll tell you everything just calm down."

"Right." sighed Joseph and sat down.

"So… she met with an old friend of hers at that meeting, you know today at two o'clock."

"Yes. Go on."

"His name is Count Zerkovsky. Count Peter Zerkovsky."

"Who is he?" asked Joseph.

"I've never met him, but Mrs. Kaut told me a few stories. He was always welcome in the Royal Palace. His mother was Rupert's mother's friend or something… But the point is, that he was falling in love with Clarisse. He didn't do anything, just came to every party and talked to her, danced with her… So Clarisse was Peter's Platonic love. But that's not everything. Rupert hated him, 'cos he knew about his… well, feelings for Clarisse. And in the last few years, he always canceled his name from the guest lists."

"So the Count is still in love with Clarisse."

"Very probable."

"And she wants to meet him. Oh Charlotte. I can't understand her. Please help. I need your advice as a woman."

"Right." smiled Charlotte. "Just tell me everything, I'll do my best."

"Ok, so in San Francisco…" started Joseph and told her every moment with Clarisse, even the kiss in the kitchen. "…so I really don't know what to think. Her sudden mood change… I don't know what is on her mind…"

"Oh Joseph. It's not simple. I am a woman too, but I don't know everything… just one thing, that she loves you."

"Good." sighed Joseph with relief. "That's the point. But what's the reason for her behavior?"

"Maybe… I really don't know… but maybe she is guarding against something… probably against her own feelings. Look Joseph I'm just circling…"

"It's enough Charlotte. You already helped me a lot." smiled Joseph, but he still wasn't relaxed.

"Just be patient with her." smiled Charlotte and squeezed his hand. "That's all I can advise."

"Thanks Charlotte. You're such a good friend." said Joseph. "But that won't be easy…"

OOOOOOOOOOOO

The rest of the day went by slowly… He was nervous and angry and… He could kill the Count by choice.

It was eight o'clock and Clarisse walked down the stairs gracefully. She was ready to go…

"Good Evening Joseph." said Clarisse as she met him in the hall.

"Clarisse. Why are you doing this?" asked Joseph.

"I think it's not your business Joseph. It's my life. I'm a grown up woman, so I can decide what is best for me. And now, please let me go, 'cos I'm already in late."

"Right. If you want." sighed Joseph and let her go, but a few moments later she realized that Joseph was following her.

"What is it Joseph? Did you forget something?" asked Clarisse in firm voice and turned back as she was walking towards the car.

"No." answered Joseph. "I'm going with you."

"What?!" asked Clarisse shocked. "But it's a date. I don't need a cortege, I'm old enough."

"Yes, that's true… But your behavior isn't." Joseph whispered the last bit.

"What did you say?"

"I'm just trying to say, that I am your Head of Security, and my job is to protect you."

"So do you want to come?"

"I will."

"But…" started Clarisse.

"If I don't go, you don't go too." said Joseph. "And I'm not joking."

"Right." She answered coldly. "This will be better." thought Clarisse and got into the limo.

OOOOOOOOOO

The dinner was… well awkward for everybody…

The Count and Clarisse were sitting in a corner in front of each other, while Joseph kept an eye on them from the bar… The first hour was restful…

"Oh Clarisse. I'm so glad, you accept my invitation." smiled the Count, but he was a bit nervous. He kept looking at Joseph.

"I'm glad too." answered Clarisse. "We haven't met in a long time. And… What's the matter?" asked Clarisse as she realized his annoyed look on his face.

"Nothing. Nothing. But can we change our seats?" asked the Count.

"Of course if you want." said Clarisse and got up." But what's the matter?"

"Just your bodyguard." answered the Count as he sat down. "He could kill me with his eyes… So I'm not the only one who is in love with you."

"Oh no. Joseph is just…" started Clarisse.

"He is deeply in love with you. And now he is jealous." smiled the Count.

"No. He… He is just nervous about this plan of mine. I informed him too late so he hadn't time to prepare everything. You know, check the place etc…"

"You're still as naïve as always." smiled the Count and grabbed her hand. Well that was a bad idea…

Joseph immediately rushed there. He had to do something…

"Excuse me Your Majesty." said Joseph.

"What is it Joseph?" asked Clarisse surprised.

"I think it's time to go. You have an important meeting tomorrow…"started Joseph, but Clarisse cut him off.

"I want to stay Joseph. Sleeping can wait."

"But you really should go Your Majesty."

"Right Joseph." sighed Clarisse. "But first, I'll pop up to Peter's room for a drink."

"What?!" asked Joseph shocked.

"Can you forgive us for a moment Peter?" asked Clarisse with a smile and they went farther on a little.

"Clarisse. You really want to go to his room? You're mad." cried Joseph.

"No. I'm not. I just want to spend a little more time with him, but if you want to go home… Just go."

"I won't leave you here." answered Joseph. He was extremely nervous.

"Right. Then you can wait for me here. Hm?" asked Clarisse.

"Ok, if you want." sighed Joseph from frustration. "I don't know how long do you wanna play this game, but right. I'll wait for you."

"Fine." said Clarisse and turned to leave.

OOOOOOOOOOO

The next two hours were like hell for Joseph… He was sitting in the bar and waiting for her… He just waited and waited and waited…

He had to hold himself back, 'cos he always wanted to go up and take her home, but he knew he can't do it….

Two hours had passed when she finally arrived… Joseph literally jumped up and ran to her…

"What did it take so long?" asked Joseph edgily. "What did you do with him for two hours?"

"What do you think?" asked Clarisse cheeky. "We played chess."

"You… You didn't go to bed with him, or did you?" asked Joseph breathlessly from anger.

"I did." answered Clarisse in an innocent voice…

To be continued…

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! And now please leave me a little review! Thnaks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Author's Note: **Hi Everybody! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, but first a big big thanks to Laura, my fantastic beta! Thanks to marg h, Tommys my 21, Kristi-Julie, Captain Weirdo, The Velvet Top Hat, prettycrazy and to bluegirl-783 for all the cool reviews. I'm back from holiday! So here's the last chapter… Enjoy it.

"Clarisse! Clarisse!" cried Joseph, but she quickly disappeared.

As Joseph ran out to the limo, he just saw the car's backside. She left him there.

Again. She always left him. Yes, but that wasn't the biggest problem for Joseph at the moment.

When he finally pulled himself together from the shock, he started to run towards the elevator…

As he reached the Count's door a few moments later, he literally tore it open…

The Count was deathly scared…

"How dare you…" started Joseph immediately as he stepped in and grabbed his shirt.

"Please calm down. We should speak about it." tried the Count.

"Speak? Speak? I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!" cried Joseph and pulled him to his feet.

"But what's the matter? I did nothing."

"Nothing? Making love to Clarisse is nothing for you?" asked Joseph with anger.

"What? I didn't even kiss her. We just chatted."

"Chatted? Hm? And why was her hair so messy?"

"'Cos she messed it up with the curtain, when she wanted to open the window."

"Why would I have to believe you?" asked Joseph.

"'Cos that's the truth. I swear." said the Count. "Do you really think that I could make love to her, when you are waiting downstairs, wanting to kill me. I was so nervous, that I broke two glasses."

"I'm… I'm sorry." said Joseph and let of his shirt. He calmed down a little.

"She loves you." said the Count.

"I really don't know, she is so…"

"Believe me, I know her. I spent enough time with watching her. It's in her eyes. You're a lucky man."

"I… I really don't know what to say…" started Joseph.

"Just ease her… She is suffering and I can't stand it…"

"Right. I'll try." smiled Joseph and turned to leave. "And… I'm really sorry… your feelings about her… I mean…"

"Never mind. I am used to it." smiled the Count sadly. "Good Luck."

"Thanks." said Joseph with real thanks in his voice and left the room.

OOOOOOOOO

A little later in Clarisse's suite…

"Can I come in?" asked Charlotte as she knocked on her door, but got no answer.

She decided to look in on her, so she slowly opened the door and stepped in…

Clarisse was laying on the bed, hunched up and sobbing desperately…

"Clarisse." tried Charlotte, but she didn't answer. "Clarisse. What happened?"

She still laid in the same position and slowly rocked herself with closed eyes.

"Clarisse. What's the matter?" tried Charlotte again. She was really worried now.

Clarisse finally said something, but that was rather a whisper…

"I must not do this." cried Clarisse softly. "I must not do this."

"What? Please tell me. I wanna help you." said Charlotte softly and stroked her arm.

"I must not do this. I must not love him." cried Clarisse. "I have to fulfill my duties. I have no right to love." continued Clarisse, and she didn't realize when Joseph came in and Charlotte softly disappeared.

"I have no right to love. I have to serve my country, my people. I have no right to a normal life… I had to marry to Rupert, then I had to…" She cried even harder, but Joseph wanted to hear her confession, so he didn't move. "Then I had to make love to him… That was horrible… Then I was pregnant with his child… not mine, 'cos I didn't choose this life… That wasn't my choice. I was just pushed into this. But I don't want it. I don't want it." cried Clarisse. "I just want to be happy… Finally happy, first time in my life… I so desperately want to be happy, but I have no right to it… I… I finally found him, my everything… Oh, Charlotte. I'm so in love with Joseph. I love him so much. But I must not do this. Why am I not a normal woman from the street? I just want to be happy with him. I want to be again in his arms, feel his kisses… But I have no right to love. Oh, Charlotte. How can I tell him that? How?"

"You've already told me." said Joseph softly.

"Joseph?" asked Clarisse as her eyes flew open in shock. She immediately pulled herself together. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear everything." said Joseph softly and sat down next to her. He started stroking her cheek, while she was still laying in the same position.

"I behaved awfully." started Clarisse. "And I didn't…"

"Yeah, I know." answered Joseph with a smile. "Deep in my heart I knew you couldn't do it."

"No." whispered Clarisse and looked at him.

"Clarisse. I didn't know about… your problems. You just suffered with everything all by yourself. I wanna help you. Please let me help you Clarisse. Please." begged Joseph.

"So you aren't angry with me?" asked Clarisse and sat up. Now she was right beside Joseph.

"Of course not." smiled Joseph. "I love you too much."

"I… I love you too." said Clarisse finally. "And I was kissing with you in my mind, not with Rupert…"

"I know." smiled Joseph and cupped her cheek. "I wanna love you. But just if you want it too.

"I want it Joseph. I desperately want it, but… but I can't." cried Clarisse and turned her head away.

"Clarisse." started Joseph. "Clarisse. Look at me… I will help you… Just let me help you, right?"

"Right." answered Clarisse with tears in her eyes. "But how could you help me? I'm hopeless."

"Just let me love you. Ok? Just let me love you." whispered Joseph and slowly, very slowly kissed her on the lips.

First, she tried to resist and pulled away, but Joseph did not give it up. He just deepened the kiss and hugged her gently…

"Just let me love you." whispered Joseph again and looked in her eyes for an answer. She softly nodded and he kissed her again…

A little later, when they completely lost themselves in the sweet kisses… All the worries and fears disappeared… And she finally started to feel the future… The future, when she would be able to love him freely…

The End

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading and please leave me a final review, I worked a lot with this story. Thanks. I hope you like the end…lol.


End file.
